Lifestyle || What you need to know about becoming an Adult

 


When I was much younger I used to look forward to being an adult. I couldn’t wait till I was able to do what I wanted, when I wanted, not having anyone boss me around and so on. I mean it’s great not having to rely on someone for every single thing. The independence that comes with being an adult is something I wouldn’t trade and that sense of importance you get when parents consult you on certain family issues; but there are many other things about being an adult that I wish someone would have told me about earlier.

Although I’m still somewhat a young adult myself, I’ve come to quickly realise that being an adult is very stressful. The transition between adolescence and adulthood is even more stressful than actually being an adult. However, everyone goes through it and most people have come out fine. Nonetheless, and like I said earlier, I wish someone would have warned me about what was ahead so I can prepare myself mentally for the stress (Not like I could slow down my ageing process anyways lol).

Anyways, just so those coming after me really do know what the adult years look like (and also for those currently adulting and feeling lost), here are a few things you need to know about being or becoming an adult.


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1. People’s expectations of you multiply

Once you become an adult, it seems like every year of your life is now on an invisible timer set by the society, family and sometimes even yourself. People just expect more and without asking what you want to do with your life, they set certain expectations for you.

People expect you to finish school at a certain time. People expect you to get your masters done within a certain time period. Society expects that you get married at a certain age. Everyone expects that you have a certain kind of job (Think me, Chemical Engineering Graduate now working as a Content Creator #lol – Some people have a fit when they hear what I do for a living).

What the world expects of you just increases so much and that’s not completely bad. What’s bad or stressful about this is that these expectations exist because people compare you to others within the same age group. Sometimes older people set their personal life expectations as goals for you (i.e. what they wished they did differently when growing up) and again, that’s not completely bad but most times it’s unnecessary.


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Yes it’s good to have expectations of a person but more importantly, people need to learn to ask what the blooming adult in question wants for their life first and then build on that.

2. Not every friendship last forever

There comes a point in your life, where you begin to realise that certain people you hold dear to your heart have to be let go. This is often not because they have all of a sudden become bad people but sometimes you find that they are not on the same ‘wave length‘ or life path as yourself. Friends you once did everything with, now seem to be doing the exact opposite to you. Some Friends begin to only exist as leaches, i.e. they always only want something from you and you know the sad part, the letting go process can be very tough and emotionally confusing.


 


If you’re anything like me, you’ll totally hate this part of becoming an adult. It often feels like you’re betraying years of trust by deciding to let X go and it can be very emotionally draining. Sometimes you even have to let go of your “best-friend” or that person that helped you with some really bad situation years ago but I’ve come to realise that it’s part of being an adult and often very necessary for your personal growth.

3. You won’t have everything all figured out

… heck you probably won’t have it all figured out ever; and that’s not completely a bad thing.  It’s always great to have a plan, but as you grow older, you’ll find your plans constantly changing and you might feel like you don’t have things figured out – That’s okay!

It’s actually pretty normal because, things keep changing. What was normal many years ago isn’t today’s normal. How things were done back then, isn’t how things are done now. Everything keeps changing which means most likely won’t be able to have everything figured out, simply because of the constant change in the world.


 


Yes I know some people look like they have everything all sorted but I can bet you that those people are just able to make the most out of the situation they find themselves in. They’ve learnt how to make the most out of opportunities that come their way and that’s what you need to learn to do too. Instead of trying to make sure you have every single detail of your life figured, learn to make the most of each situation you find yourself in. Learn to get the most out of opportunities and eventually you will be just fine!.


 


There are many other things that come with being an adult and can make life hard for young adults but to me, these are the top 3 that I’m certain everyone experiences.

So I hope that when you do find yourself going through any of these, you remind yourself that you are not alone, that the process is normal and that you’ll be fine in no time!



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LifeStyle || How to Manage Your Relationship on Social Media.

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A lot of people have asked me on several occasions,

“How do you manage your relationship being so public?”

 

“How do you manage your relationship being on social media?”

The honest truth? I’m not entirely sure, but I did give it a little thought and what I do know is that there are a few conscious steps I take in order to ensure that my relationship with Chi is as private as it can be.


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I actually never imagined my relationship will be one of public interest; but given the circumstances around which the relationship started , Chi and I felt it might be nice to show people that relationships like ours can work. So after much deliberation, loads of conversations and decisions on what and how to go about it, we made our relationship pretty public earlier this year on my blog and it’s associated social media platforms.

We went against all the various advice people give about social media and relationships; but with the number of messages we get and testimonies from other couples, we both agree it was a good move and don’t regret it at all.

That said, there are some limits, controls and checks that we have put in place to ensure that its privacy is still preserved to some extent and that’s what I’m going to share with you real quick!

Here are a few things you can do in order to manage your relationship being on social media.


Separate your moments

I cannot over emphasise this enough. Not everything that goes on in your relationship needs to be put online, even if it’s a happy moment. You don’t need to share the fact that your significant other just got you an amazing gift with the whole world at every single point in time. You don’t need to share the details of every date night you go on. You need to learn to keep somethings to yourself no matter how fantastic or annoying they are – Especially if you’re someone in the public eye like myself.


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The best way to go about this is to stick to popular dates when “love is in the air”. Think Christmas time, New year’s eve, Valentines day, Thanks giving and so on – those are all seasons when almost everyone is talking about their family and the love of their life. So you sharing yours during such a time won’t stand out as showing off.

If you blog or vlog like myself, you could also share snippets of special personal days like birthdays and anniversaries, but even these personal days should have their details kept as private as possible so they still remain special to you.

Know what is acceptable to share

It’s important to know what your partner is okay or not okay with you sharing online. Does your partner want the details of your holiday together shared in a vlog? Do they want people to know about the new car you got? Are they okay with you talking about the fact that things aren’t always perfect?



Believe it or not, every single post that goes out on my instagram, facebook or my blog and has to do with my relationship goes through Chi first; and vice versa. This isn’t always done so the other party can criticise the content that’s about to be put out but it’s always nice to inform your partner about the post or video that’s about to go out. Why? Well, it’s mainly to ensure they aren’t taken unawares, especially if people are likely to make all sorts of comments about the content in question (unless of course it’s a birthday shout out #lol) – It’s just simple courtesy.

Take Everything with a pinch of Salt

Believe it or not, there are many people just waiting around to see if something will go wrong in your relationship or for an opportunity to make a spiteful comment, be a judge, say I told you so or what not; and most times, these people are just sadist.



They do not wish you well in any way, shape or form. So when you see ‘odd’ comments about your relationship on a photo, video or even via instastories, simply delete and move on – Take it with a pinch of salt.

On the other hand, there are some people that do wish you well but sometimes give advice or make comments that do not sit too well with you. Again, take it with a pinch of salt. Even the ‘good comments‘ and the ‘nice ones’ – take them all with a pinch of salt. Never let someone behind a gadget dictate the mood or ‘vibe’ of your relationship by a simple comment.

At the end of the day, most of the people showing love or hate on your social media platforms will only remain social media buddies.


So from Chi and I to you, we hope you do find these tips useful and continue to grow in love with you other whole!


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Lifestyle || Why you shouldn’t feel guilty about taking time off for yourself!

 


Photography by Chibuzo Onukwube @WizChibzy_

Outfit

Trousers form Kaffy’s Stitches | Shirt from my cousin’s closet | Scarf from my mum’s Closet


It’s no news to anyone that stays up to date with my blog and social media that I have been a bit ‘laid back’ or absent from my blog. Yes, I have been and I’m not ashamed to admit it and there’s only one explanation for it – I’ve been taking time off for myself.

A lot of people get to a certain head space where pleasing others and ensuring everyone around them is happy, takes up so much of their time that they have no time to ensure they themselves are happy. This behaviour is very common in women and even more so, women in the public eye which includes influencers and bloggers.


If only we realise that taking care of ourself first is the only way we can continue to effectively take care of others; maybe then and only then will we understand that it’s okay to take time off for yourself.

HOWEVER! Some people do know its good to take time off, but still somehow find a way to feel bad for doing so. I’ve met a lot of people who even when they go on a ‘holiday’ still somehow find a way to take all the worries they left behind with them on their retreat! Whether it’s work from the office, school projects, personal assignments or business plans… Some people just feel plain guilty when they aren’t working or doing something brain tasking. So I’m going to tell you exactly why you shouldn’t feel guilty when you take time off for yourself to just do nothing!


Taking time off for yourself helps you reflect

Whether it’s on personal goals, recent decisions made, impending decisions, relationships in your life, taking time off to be by yourself let’s your reflect and re-evaluate your life, which is very necessary for personal growth.

Related: How to overcome creative block!

Taking time off for yourself makes you happy

When you take time off to do the things you love or even just to sleep, it rejuvenates you, relaxes you and makes you happy. You know the great thing about it? Happiness is contagious! So taking out time to make yourself happy will also make those around you happy!

Taking time out for yourself is the only way to truly discover yourself


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Taking time off for yourself enhances the quality of your relationship with others

When you take time off to be by yourself, you give yourself time to evaluate all the relationships you have in your life. You then begin to understand which ones are important to you and which ones need to go. You’ll also come to appreciate the relationships you have once you’ve spent time away from them.

Taking time off is better for your overall health and well-being

Getting burnt out, worn out and worked up is no good for anyone and the only way to prevent this is to take time off once in a while. increased stress levels lead to high blood pressure, a break down in your immune system and so on. So before you get yourself bed-ridden in a hospital somewhere, take time off to just be by yourself.



Now I know it’s hard to find time to take time off but trust me it’s worth it. Sometimes it doesn’t even have to be a physical absence like travelling to another region. Something as simple as disconnecting from social media, staying indoors a bit more or going out by yourself are all ways you can take time out for yourself. So give yourself the much-needed break you deserve and don’t feel guilty about it!

Love

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Lifestyle || 3 Tips On How To Deal With Stressful Times in Life

Everyone gets to a point in life where so many things are going on at the same time. Whether it’s studying for a degree and working, sustaining a relationship and starting up a business or even a combination of all those mentioned. At some point, learning to balance out various projects and aspects of ones life becomes very paramount in order to stay sane and ensure that they all run smoothly.

Having successfully finished my degree in Engineering while working a part-time job, working on setting up an Agency with my friend, studying for a secret diploma :p and working on some other personal projects, I’ll like to think I’ve successfully managed my time to get to where I am. So here are my few tips on how I got through it all and what you can do to manage your time wisely.

#1 – Assess and Accept

The first step to dealing with any situation is to first of all Assess what’s on your plate. Take a step back to analyse the situation and understand the task before you. It will help you decide how to prioritize, what to put first, what projects can go on hold for the mean time and so on. If all aspects need to be running simultaneously, it will also help you understand exactly what you are about to get into – that’s where the Acceptance phase comes in.

Sometimes, you just need to accept that you will be a little stressed for a period of time. You may need to accept that your life is about to change momentarily and the way you’ve been running your daily activities will change. You may have to reshuffle the way your body clock works or your personal daily schedule and if this is the case, make sure you inform all parties involved – Your family, your closest friends, your blog readers, your boss, your partner (boyfriend or girlfriend). There is no shame in letting people know that you are about to get really busy and you’ll need them to understand if you begin to behave erratically or stop communicating with them as much.

So Assessing and Accepting the situation is the first step!

#2 – Create Lists

If you follow me on Instagram @msdemi_akin —>Instagram, you might have come across my various snaps about making lists and working through them. Writing a daily to-do list helps a lot! It is especially helpful during those your mind is all over the place and you don’t know where to start. It is a great way to relieve yourself of some mental stress and get yourself back on track.

Most times when I found myself struggling to finish some project for school, working through some tasks for The Blogger Point or Desire1709 and not knowing where to start, writing a list of all the things I had to do helped A LOT! Most times the list of things I had to do turned out too much less than I initially thought while they were all mumbled up in my head. Seeing it on paper helped me calm down and realise that the situation wasn’t as bad as I thought. Of course sometimes I also ended up with a long list and when this happened, I found out that some of the things I was worrying about were not as urgent as I thought and could be done at a later time.

So lists are very helpful and very essential to a busy life. Write a list when your thoughts are all over the place and when you have a lot of tasks to complete.

#3 – Take breaks once in a while

Contrary to what most people under pressure think, there is always time to take a break. I find that taking 30 minute to 1 hour breaks in between tasks is very necessary to refresh and reset your mind.

While powering on and getting into the task is good, taking a break helps your brain relax and process information better. Yes, sometimes it’s hard to ‘find’ the time but it is very necessary. There were many days when I intentionally turned off my phone to watch a movie or a TV series episode or just eat and sleep! Taking intentional breaks is necessary for your own personal sanity. Anyone who knows me knows I preach this day and night and that’s because it’s been one of the secrets of my success so far.

So I hope this helps you in one way or the other and if you have any other questions, please feel free to ask?

How do you deal with stressful times?