Lifestyle || How to Sustain a long distance relationship – My 5 Top Tips!

I feel as if this is a long overdue post. However, my reluctance to actually sit down and pen down type my thoughts on this subject is probably due to the fact that there are a thousand and one opinions on this topic. Every long distance relationship is unique in it’s own way. That said, I do believe there are a few things that all persons in long distance relationships (or those considering long distance relationships) must do to make things work!

So having dated Chi for 3 years long distance, I think it’s about time to tell you a few things we did to make the relationship work!

#1 – Communicate Constantly

I CANNOT stress this enough. Yes every relationship needs good communication but in a long distance relationship, it is even more important. Why? Well for one, you need a way to stay in touch as you are miles apart from each-other. Two, it makes you involved in the other person’s life as you’ll probably always talk about things you’ve done during the day or are about to do.

Ensure you discuss new decisions you intend on making, seek for your partners opinion and advice on situations. Do not make a life changing decision and inform your partner after it’s done and dusted. Constant communication not only allows you to know the other person is doing okay, but it makes both parties feel involved in the other person’s life.; Greet each-other in the morning and night- it is very very important

 

Chi and I literally were in contact every single day! Although some people think we were a bit excessive, we could tell what the next move of the other person will be which was also great for building trust!

#2 – Keep External Parties External

All outside parties should remain outside. This is not to say that you shouldn’t take advice from people around you but know when to draw the line. Keep the details of your arguments, the good times, special moments to yourselves. Long distance relationships are complex enough for you to include comments and unsolicited opinions from other people into the mix.

Some people wish you well and some don’t. The sad part is you can’t always tell who is who so it’s best to avoid unnecessary chit chat about your relationship.

#3 – Do things together

You’re probably wondering how this is possible but trust me it is! I remember my housemates walking into my room in uni and asking “What are you doing?” and I’d often times reply “Watching a movie with Chi”… We had days when we decided on a movie we both want to watch, we’ll start the movie together over a video or voice call, end the call and make commentaries about it as the movie went along via text – I know, that’s a lot of effort, but it’s the sort of thing that kept our 3 year long distance relationship going.

 


READ – 5 places to Eat and Hangout for 2 under 5k! 

Now I’m not saying you should do the exact same thing but you need to find ways to do things together. Recommend series that both of you can watch separately and talk about later. Recommend music albums to listen to. If you both love to read, recommend books. Take the other person shopping with you via Skype or Whatsapp. Be creative in finding things to do together!

#4 – Remember important dates

… and I’m not talking about Birthdays, Valentine day and so on. Those are given. I’m talking about dates like when exams start (if either party is studying), the date for that job interview, the first day of work, the date for that special program your partner is organising and so on. Not only does it show that you care enough to remember the little things, it also shows that you are interested in every aspect of your partners life.

Wherever possible, celebrate such dates and occasions. Making the little things count will also help build memories.

 


#5 – Be honest

Last but not the least, do not create room for doubt or distrust between you and your partner. It’s the last thing you need in a Long distance relationship and dishonesty will inevitably lead to the death of your relationship.


These tips and a few other things are what kept Chi and I together for 3 years and so from us, we hope they do help another couple out there foster and make their love even more beautiful!

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Lifestyle || Why you shouldn’t feel guilty about taking time off for yourself!

 


Photography by Chibuzo Onukwube @WizChibzy_

Outfit

Trousers form Kaffy’s Stitches | Shirt from my cousin’s closet | Scarf from my mum’s Closet


It’s no news to anyone that stays up to date with my blog and social media that I have been a bit ‘laid back’ or absent from my blog. Yes, I have been and I’m not ashamed to admit it and there’s only one explanation for it – I’ve been taking time off for myself.

A lot of people get to a certain head space where pleasing others and ensuring everyone around them is happy, takes up so much of their time that they have no time to ensure they themselves are happy. This behaviour is very common in women and even more so, women in the public eye which includes influencers and bloggers.


If only we realise that taking care of ourself first is the only way we can continue to effectively take care of others; maybe then and only then will we understand that it’s okay to take time off for yourself.

HOWEVER! Some people do know its good to take time off, but still somehow find a way to feel bad for doing so. I’ve met a lot of people who even when they go on a ‘holiday’ still somehow find a way to take all the worries they left behind with them on their retreat! Whether it’s work from the office, school projects, personal assignments or business plans… Some people just feel plain guilty when they aren’t working or doing something brain tasking. So I’m going to tell you exactly why you shouldn’t feel guilty when you take time off for yourself to just do nothing!


Taking time off for yourself helps you reflect

Whether it’s on personal goals, recent decisions made, impending decisions, relationships in your life, taking time off to be by yourself let’s your reflect and re-evaluate your life, which is very necessary for personal growth.

Related: How to overcome creative block!

Taking time off for yourself makes you happy

When you take time off to do the things you love or even just to sleep, it rejuvenates you, relaxes you and makes you happy. You know the great thing about it? Happiness is contagious! So taking out time to make yourself happy will also make those around you happy!

Taking time out for yourself is the only way to truly discover yourself


Usman Dam Abuja Demi Akin-14


Taking time off for yourself enhances the quality of your relationship with others

When you take time off to be by yourself, you give yourself time to evaluate all the relationships you have in your life. You then begin to understand which ones are important to you and which ones need to go. You’ll also come to appreciate the relationships you have once you’ve spent time away from them.

Taking time off is better for your overall health and well-being

Getting burnt out, worn out and worked up is no good for anyone and the only way to prevent this is to take time off once in a while. increased stress levels lead to high blood pressure, a break down in your immune system and so on. So before you get yourself bed-ridden in a hospital somewhere, take time off to just be by yourself.



Now I know it’s hard to find time to take time off but trust me it’s worth it. Sometimes it doesn’t even have to be a physical absence like travelling to another region. Something as simple as disconnecting from social media, staying indoors a bit more or going out by yourself are all ways you can take time out for yourself. So give yourself the much-needed break you deserve and don’t feel guilty about it!

Love

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My Bungee Jumping Charity Fund Raiser Update and a what happened to my Bucket List?!

A few of you may remember that earlier this year I created a Bucket list of things I wanted to do before my 23rd birthday. I promise you I was super excited to get every item done, but my final year project came, took over my life and wiped every plan I had on that list away!

Of the few things I’ve learnt this year, the lesson that “Things don’t always go as you plan” has to be the biggest lesson so far (I might have said that about something else too recently but oh wellllsssss #lol). Anyways, I was able to do a few things from my bucket list but my fave of them all was bungee jumping!

Read More : My Bucket List Adventures – Pyjamas to Uni?! I’ll do it again!

It all started out as a joke, me just talking about doing something I saw in movies until I booked the date for my jump and I got an email back with my jump time!

On the 24th of June, I made a trip to the O2 (in London). I got to the venue with my friend Channon and her boyfriend Michael who encouraged me to go on with the jump even when I could feel my heart pounding; but that wasn’t my only motivation. I also committed to jump for charity in a bid to raise money for GHIEF, a Nigerian charity run by one of my blogger BAEs Rhoda Kusimo. So I went ahead with the jump as you can see from the video below and raised over £150 in the process!

Now here’s were all that money went to!

Convert the money raised to Naira (after the Just giving charges) and you get N71,000.

The complete sum was handed over to GHIEF who used the money to pay the school fees for a few children under its care. Part of it was also used to buy note books and school uniforms for them and I visited one of the schools to see some of the GHIEF Kids who benefited from the funds raised! Getting to L.E.A Primary school Utako, Abuja, seeing them in class and hearing their stories made me so happy to be part of such a project and I’m glad you all supported me as well!

Now, all that said, although GHIEF tries its best to keep these children in school, it’s a continuous process that constantly requires funds. School fees are paid 3 times in one academic year and we all know how many years it takes to complete even just the basic level of education education.

Rhoda and her team work day in day out to raise funds for GHIEF Kids and other projects the charity works on. One thing that touched my heart so much was that even on her last birthday this year, she took some goodies to one of the schools to celebrate with the children. She also had only one birthday wish and that was for people to sponsor a GHIEF child to school even with as little as N1,000 (£2 /$3).

Pictures from Rhoda’s birthday visit

I’m going to constantly try in my little way to support GHIEF whenever and however I can and I think you should do the same as well. Christmas is coming and whether you’re Christian or not, it’s a season of giving back and spreading love; but for some people, the season isn’t as cheerful as it should be.

Think of some of these children who require your help to stay in school during the next term or families looking for their next meal this season and donate whatever you have. Nothing is ever too small and I’m sure you can part with a little change! ^_^

Visit GHIEF’s website at www.GHIEF.orgwww.GHIEF.org for more information on how you can help but for now, cheers to  many more fundraising projects!

…. Maybe it’s a good time to consider that sky diving trip I’ve always spoken about 😀 

Lifestyle || What you must know and do before moving back to Nigeria

It’s been two months since I moved back to Nigeria – Seems like longer lol but anyways… While settling in for me has been quite easy and stress free, I must admit that I can understand and relate to why some people find the process of moving back home quite difficult and stressful.

Some people think the biggest challenge for people moving back from the ‘western’ world to Nigeria is the Weather but to be honest the biggest challenge is in fact the culture shock. Yes! Culture shock. Now that might seem weird considering that if you are said to be moving back home, then you should be moving back to your original ancestral land and in most cases the place you grew up. Nevertheless for someone coming from a society that’s quite different to the Nigerian setting, it is indeed a massive change, even if you’ve been there for a few years.

Culture refers to so many different aspects and doesn’t mean the tradition of the people in this context, but refers to the way of life, the way people address each other, something as simple and customer service experience, how banks operate, internet availability, where to hangout and so on. So how do you deal with it or prepare to move back home?

Here’s what I did and a few tips I believe will help anyone planning to move back to their motherland

#1  Visit often

Visiting the place or area you intend to move to, drastically helps make the process less difficult. Not only do you become more familiar with your surroundings but you also become very familiar with the lifestyle of the people in that area. This helps a lot because once you make the final move, you are no longer a stranger to the environment and you’ll blend in, fit it veryyyy well.

#2 Make plans

When moving home or to any foreign land, it is always important to make some sort of plan. What exactly are you going to do when you get there? Look for a job? Which companies do you want to apply to? Do you plan to study? What course and where? Are you starting a business? What’s your business plan? Are you a blogger planning to make it as a full time job? How are you going to do so? Are you moving back for NYSC? How does the application process work?

Plans must be thought through and made. Once you’ve made a plan, then make a plan B,C and D as well because things don’t always go as planned and especially in Nigeria, it tends to be the case.

#3 Be prepared financially

That’s all I’m going to say #lol

#4 Be Mentally Prepared

Before moving, make sure you have begun the process of mental re-orientation. I’m not saying change yourself or your principles, but come with a mindset that’s a lot more open and ready to re-learn a few things. Just the same way you left home and had to learn to do things differently, in the same vein, you will need to learn to do things a bit differently once again.

#5 Enjoy the process

Yes, it can be scary sometimes. Yes, it can be fraustating. Yes it can be a lot of things… but the best way to go through any new phase of life is to ensure you try your best to make the most of it. Always look at the brighter side and the positive aspect (YES! everything has a positive side to it and I hope you find it! ^_^)

Demi x

shop maju velvet top demi akin-2

Lifestyle || 3 Tips On How To Deal With Stressful Times in Life

Everyone gets to a point in life where so many things are going on at the same time. Whether it’s studying for a degree and working, sustaining a relationship and starting up a business or even a combination of all those mentioned. At some point, learning to balance out various projects and aspects of ones life becomes very paramount in order to stay sane and ensure that they all run smoothly.

Having successfully finished my degree in Engineering while working a part-time job, working on setting up an Agency with my friend, studying for a secret diploma :p and working on some other personal projects, I’ll like to think I’ve successfully managed my time to get to where I am. So here are my few tips on how I got through it all and what you can do to manage your time wisely.

#1 – Assess and Accept

The first step to dealing with any situation is to first of all Assess what’s on your plate. Take a step back to analyse the situation and understand the task before you. It will help you decide how to prioritize, what to put first, what projects can go on hold for the mean time and so on. If all aspects need to be running simultaneously, it will also help you understand exactly what you are about to get into – that’s where the Acceptance phase comes in.

Sometimes, you just need to accept that you will be a little stressed for a period of time. You may need to accept that your life is about to change momentarily and the way you’ve been running your daily activities will change. You may have to reshuffle the way your body clock works or your personal daily schedule and if this is the case, make sure you inform all parties involved – Your family, your closest friends, your blog readers, your boss, your partner (boyfriend or girlfriend). There is no shame in letting people know that you are about to get really busy and you’ll need them to understand if you begin to behave erratically or stop communicating with them as much.

So Assessing and Accepting the situation is the first step!

#2 – Create Lists

If you follow me on Instagram @msdemi_akin —>Instagram, you might have come across my various snaps about making lists and working through them. Writing a daily to-do list helps a lot! It is especially helpful during those your mind is all over the place and you don’t know where to start. It is a great way to relieve yourself of some mental stress and get yourself back on track.

Most times when I found myself struggling to finish some project for school, working through some tasks for The Blogger Point or Desire1709 and not knowing where to start, writing a list of all the things I had to do helped A LOT! Most times the list of things I had to do turned out too much less than I initially thought while they were all mumbled up in my head. Seeing it on paper helped me calm down and realise that the situation wasn’t as bad as I thought. Of course sometimes I also ended up with a long list and when this happened, I found out that some of the things I was worrying about were not as urgent as I thought and could be done at a later time.

So lists are very helpful and very essential to a busy life. Write a list when your thoughts are all over the place and when you have a lot of tasks to complete.

#3 – Take breaks once in a while

Contrary to what most people under pressure think, there is always time to take a break. I find that taking 30 minute to 1 hour breaks in between tasks is very necessary to refresh and reset your mind.

While powering on and getting into the task is good, taking a break helps your brain relax and process information better. Yes, sometimes it’s hard to ‘find’ the time but it is very necessary. There were many days when I intentionally turned off my phone to watch a movie or a TV series episode or just eat and sleep! Taking intentional breaks is necessary for your own personal sanity. Anyone who knows me knows I preach this day and night and that’s because it’s been one of the secrets of my success so far.

So I hope this helps you in one way or the other and if you have any other questions, please feel free to ask?

How do you deal with stressful times?

It’s my Birthday! || Thankful – My Letter to God!

Dear God,

I’m Thankful…


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Thankful for the smiles and the tears…

Thankful for the ups and downs, the highs and lows and even the times I didn’t know where to go…

Thankful for the guide you’ve been and the path you’ve made for me….

And like your word says, it gets brighter and brighter each passing day and the lady I am today… she’s nothing without your grace.


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I’m thankful for my friends, both those that hurt me and those that comfort me…

Thankful for the people that have had my back and those that didn’t…

Thankful for the lessons learnt and those I’m still learning…

Thankful for the wisdom I’ve gained through all 22 years of my life…


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I’m thankful for my family and thankful for my family – Yes I’m really thankful for my Family that’s stood by me…

Family that’s been the tool you’ve used to mould and shape me…

Family who’s held me high even when I never felt my worth…

But most importantly dear God…

I’m thankful for life!

A life where I have choices…

A life free of worries…

A life free of and sorrow…

A life in good health…

A life with a roof over my head…

A life with the next meal being sure!

I pray from this day on, my life will be a true reflection of your grace and mercy and enable me with the courage to be completely yours no matter what they say.

Signed

Demi x

Outfit details

Black and White Co-ord set Boohoo.com (here!) || Barely there heels River Island (similar here!) || Jewellery H&M


Happy 22nd Bday-13happy 22nd bday-9



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