Hmm, where do I start… The last time I cut my hair was back in 2004. It was just a few days before I started secondary school and as the ritual was, I cut my hair. You can say that’s when my my natural hair journey began and it lasted for many years. I never since 2004 put any chemical in my hair to straighten it or enhance it’s texture in anyway. I also don’t recall doing a massive big chop any point in between; although of course, over the years, I’ve had big trims if that makes sense.
Taking care of my hair used to give me so much joy. I loved the thrill of twisting my hair and wondering if by morning my twist out will pop or not. I loved carrying out length checks with my friends and exchanging ideas on how best to style my hair for the next event. I loved wearing a massive afro – thick and glorious in all her beauty, and I never really longed for super long hair. I was pretty satisfied with my 10 inch stretched 4c hair length. I loved having my hair in a sleek low bun and crowing it with my faux extensions for a more voluminous look… but then life took over – I became a woman.
I became much more busy, started chasing my dreams and thinking a lot more. I had a lot more mood swings, shed a lot more tears, laughed a little louder when I could. I began to worry a lot more and all the other stuff that comes with adulting and in all of this, I forgot myself. The way I looked seemed to matter a little less and less each day; but while I was a little more conscious of my clothing, my hair began to suffer for my negligence. My hair that was once my crowning glory, my pride and an inspiration to many began to make me feel self-conscious. I spent less and less time each day caring about it. Anything that would make her look a little more presentable was acceptable. Flat irons, Blow dryers, you name it – and when those failed, I turned to scarves. Then People began to wonder and ask questions.
Why haven’t you gotten your hair done?
When will you get your hair done?
… Questions that all upset me because I already knew my overall appearance was diminishing.
Then one day I had enough. I was done looking unkept, looking tired and lost. It was time for a new look. It was time to cut it all off.
So within a few weeks of psyching myself for my big chop and searching for the hair cut of my dreams, I did it – and it was amazing!
It felt like a weight was lifted off my shoulders literally. It felt nice being able to shower without worrying about water getting all over my hair and not having to think of how to style it was a massive relief. But it wasn’t amazing because of these reasons, it was amazing because I felt like an entirely different person.
Like baptism rebirths you, cutting my hair rebirthed me and from the day I let go of all the dead hair weight, I began a whole new journey of self discovery.
I won’t act like I haven’t had second thoughts about my decision. At some point within the short time I have had my hair cut, I have felt like I might have taken a hasty decision. That within a few weeks I will completely regret it. I thought about how different my blog pictures will look from now on; How I’d have to learn to embrace new photography angles; how my wardrobe will have to change a little to match my new look; How I can’t mess up my eyebrows when applying makeup and cover it up with a fringe; I thought of the possibility of Chi not seeing me as attractive anymore because of my boyish look, even though he was supportive of my decision. I thought about many things many will consider as insignificant, but all aspects of my life that matter to me in one way or another. But in all of this, I think the happiness and relief I feel right now, will overshadow any second thoughts I might have about my decision to embrace a whole new DEMI!
What do you think of my new look?