Let’s Talk about Respect – My Grind, My Choice!

Personally, I am tired of people putting other people down, people criticising other people, complaining  that XYZ isn’t doing this, XYZ should do that- PAUSE! If you are not giving me constructive feedback or making me any better or guided advice then PAUSE!

By nature, human beings tend to be very judgemental. One aspect within the community I find myself as an African child is that people are judged a lot based on the things they decide to do “career” wise – or should I say as their source of income. Of course there are somethings that you just shouldn’t do on moral grounds but if what I decide to do is my passion, why is it not okay for me to be a musician or a dancer? You may remember from two posts back that I touched on something similar and wonder

“Why is she still talking about this?”


Well, it’s because I see this problem happen over and over and I feel the need to drive it down some people’s throats for them to understand #HarshMuch – Back to the topic.What is wrong with people and not giving others the space and TIME to grow in their chosen field? No one becomes a Professional Photographer overnight or a professional Make-Up Artist overnight or the world’s best DJ in one night – Unless of course you have had some form of formal training in this subject area but even at that Rome wasn’t built-in a day.
You know, I try to be very honest with you in these posts and I raise my hand and say yes! I have done all these before; expecting someone to perform magic and be the ‘bestest’ they can be; comparing those who are growing to those who have made it – Some people even do this to themselves; Comparing yourself and beating yourself up for not being like the person you look up to. There is a very faint line between aspiring to be like someone and beating up yourself for not being as great at that person but again I am about to go off topic. Yes I have criticised people and felt they should not be putting themselves out there unless they are top-notch but sometimes it’s good to let people make mistakes. Trust me…

The most successful people these days are those who are not afraid to put themselves out there, anticipate failure, prepare for them, make mistakes and then pick up themselves and try again!


If you’ve ever criticised someone or said something bad about their ‘Grind’ , It’s wrong and if you’ve thought like that then you need a change of heart. A lot of people you see out there are constantly battling with themselves and beating up themselves because they aren’t where they thought they would be in the vision they had in their mind before they ’embarked on this journey’, so please – as we say in Nigeria – POCKET YOUR NEGATIVITY!

Of course this is probably a general issue to everyone around the world but I find that it’s a little harder within an African society to do things like taking on less ‘professional’ – is this because of the subconscious need to prove that we are better than society sees us? ask yourself. I sometimes ask myself if people of my race play victim too much and this on its own limits us in its ways we cannot even explain. It makes me think back to the days I used to get ‘bullied yes! and made fun of at school. My mum would say to me

“Don’t let what people think of you get to you. Only God’s opinion matters”

In the same vain we shouldn’t let societies perception of us decide and frame our actions, you shouldn’t let what people say and all that back talk affect you and stop you from reaching your goal. At the same time it is easier said than done and if you are reading this and have found yourself in such a position where back talk has got you down, you’ve probably heard this advice 10 billion times and I just want to let you know it is actually what you need to do. Find a way to block the negativity.

All the bad belle people reading this, we love you too but you need to stop. For a few years now and I am still learning to do this, I have tried to always think of everything in reverse; How would I feel if someone said that about me? How would I feel if someone did that to me? How! How!! How!!! Even if you feel like someone is going in the wrong direction or they are not going about things the right way, rather than poisoning everyone else’s mind about them and what they do why not talk to them and if you can’t then why not try keeping quite? Silence is golden! It can save you a lot of stress – you should really try it. If a person decides to become a Make-Up-Artist or a DJ or a Photographer after years of studying Medicine, LEAVE THEM!!! – Change is constant. Their Grind is their Grind , My grind is my grind.

Dear friends and family or people in such situations, instead of bringing the person down and leaving them to fall by the way, why not support them even if you feel they’ll fail. That way they’ll be sure you care and when you advice them they would clearly see that their chosen path isn’t right for them. Don’t wait for the “I told you so moment”.
Dear world, leave them to grow. If you can’t support them then please just go. Most people already beat themselves up enough for not being were they thought they’ll be. They don’t need you pointing it out even more.



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